private party... with a tasty friend

i had a party about 5 minutes ago. it was delicious :)

my invisible marriage

i had a mental "marriage" with an ex (from long ago), for a year, CONSTANTLY, as if we were together and we were just waiting for us to reunite in X-Y-Z real life. i felt him every day, dreamed about him constantly (way more than i've ever dreamt of anyone in my life), and experienced what i can only call were lucid metaphysical experiences of union with him. deep stuff. i woke up recently and realized, whoa, i'm totally committed, totally lost, in something that doesn't existence.... not here at least! the whole relationship pushed me through all the way to my deepest feelings of love, commitment, and faith in the heart. it was a delusion but i grew a hundred times from it. i recently decided to shut it off altogether. one day i gave it up, off like a switch. i knew all the way from the beginning that it was internal, all in my head, but i decided to let it play out because, well, even though it was just mental, it was VERY real in its own way! i've always been a mental person, IQ of a genius, and so i've always been sort of a thinker. surely that has something to do with it, as i'm mentally sane. at this point i've learned so much about love and loss, hope and sobering reality. i don't know if i ever need to fall in love again in this life, maybe my point of view will change but we'll see. i'm different now. i see people as people. and i love them. now that i've given "him" up, i see love in all, every where in life. i have love, self love, in my heart, and that's great too. i'm good just as me. i know faith in a new way. it comes from inside. peace be with you.